http://www.flickr.com/photos/alaivani/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
The other day I was a on a date with this girl (I met her, in fact, at a bar, much to the chagrin of my mother, who insists that the only girls worthy of her son’s attention are those he meets at his church).
As we walked to dinner, I asked her one of my most favorite-est questions: “How’s your life going?”
I like asking this question because if you ask “How are you?” you get a canned response. Fine. Good. Great. Not much, what’s up with you. Stuff like that. But if you ask “How’s your life going?” people don’t have a standard answer, and they think before answering.
“Great, actually,” she said. “I’m really happy.”
I spotted this as a hook for a brilliant conversational thread that would undoubtedly lead to romantic attraction. I pounced…
the question that started the ruining
“On scale of one to ten, how happy would you say you are?” I asked.
She looked at me strangely, as if she was thinking, like, really? What kind of ridiculous question is that? Why do I go out with weird guys I meet at bars?
“Um,” she said.
But I said nothing. I waited. I waited so that she would know she’d have to answer or else we would be suffering through a long, awkwardly silent walk to P.F. Chang’s.
“I guess I would say a ten,” she said.
I couldn’t hide my surprise. My reply exploded out of my mouth at a high decibel level. Passerbies turned to stare.
“A ten? A ten! Are you serious?”
In response, she threw down a list of all the things that were going right for her–health, family, friends, good job, etc etc yadda yadda.
But then I, being the Worst Motivational Speaker Ever, proceeded to ruin it for her.
“Check it out,” I said. “If you’re a ten, that means life can never get better than this. It can only get worse.”
Her face dropped through the floor.
At this point we arrived at our table and threw our jackets–best in the wardrobe jackets, chosen with care as first date clothes always are–over our chairs and slid our crutches under the table. (Actually…that last one was just me.)
repeating ruinous statements
Never one to quit while I’m only a little behind (as opposed to way behind), I jumped right back into making her feel terrible. I told her how I’d read somewhere (one of my favorite conversational topics…the slightly dubious but thoroughly fascinating Statistic I Read Somewhere) that the average American reports to be at about a seven on this happiness scale.
I told her how I have recently felt my life, too, was about as good as it could be. But I always want to leave room for the possibility that I’m missing out on something–love, perhaps, or children, or Spiderman 4–that could make me even happier someday when it happens.
So I’ve been at an eight recently, which is the highest I’ve ever been but still leaves room for two degrees of improvement.
The problem, though, I told her (for the second time…bad conversational strategy) is that it seems like life can only get worse. I could lose my health–indeed, I seem to be experiencing a knee fail this past week, a disappointing development considering the two surgeries I’ve had in the last ten months. I could lose friends or family. My speaking gigs could dry up. So much could go wrong, Girl I’m On A Date With!
“Jeez,” she said, looking down at the table cloth. “Actually I guess I’m more like a seven.”
Who else is shocked, shocked, that I don’t have a girlfriend?
29 Responses to “an effective method for ruining a date”
October 13, 2009
10:13 pm
What about you, fair reader? Where do you place thine self on the 1-10 scale of happiness?
October 13, 2009
11:03 pm
I enjoyed the article, i just think that you were nervous…. But while I was reading I was kinda shocked that you said that about things getting worse. lol .Again you were just nervous in my opinion.. I do that all the time. Its a first date, it is ok.
Did it go well after the date? I know this is a stupid question.. what happened after she said she was a seven? sorry if I ask too much. =]
October 13, 2009
11:05 pm
Oh I put myself on the scale 1-10 of happiness it would be 5
October 14, 2009
2:30 am
Janelle,
In fact, yes, the rest of the the convo was decidedly more positive.
A 5, huh?
js
October 14, 2009
7:00 am
that’s good! =]
and yeah a 5…. trying to get to that 8 or 9. but it will take some time. Is a five good? lol
October 18, 2009
11:04 am
Well, Josh, I think you were lucky not to have “totally blown it” with this young lady. So much for following the advice (and actual practice) of American motivational speakers then … I think I will stick to my own “instincts” that has kept me happilyn married (at level 7 to 8 with some higher peaks & some troughs too) for 38 years now
Do you ALWAYS ignore yourn Mum’s advice? She may be wiser than you realise …
Ivor (Coventry, England)
October 19, 2009
7:01 pm
Ivor —
It’s sounds like you could probably teach me a few things.
And so could my Mom (Mum, sorry).
She’s always right, it’s true. It just takes me a while to admit it sometimes.
Thanks for reading!
js
October 24, 2009
9:53 am
hey josh! did u have any more dates with her? how did u get a date with her in the first place? u should try that again on some other atractive girls.
October 24, 2009
8:05 pm
I don’t think I have ever tried to rate my happiness on a scale. Some things about life are just always going to be hard and unpleasant, but on the other hand, it could generally always be worse. Personally, I think the important thing is not worrying about how happy I am but reminding myself of the things for which I should be happy.
And by the way, I had the great privilege of seeing you “live” when you came to speak at Institute Day in Huntsville, AL back in August. I usually don’t enjoy that day very much, but you completely made that session worth getting out of bed for! My parents also enjoyed watching you on RFD last night. My mom had to call to tell me your bull-tipping story.
October 25, 2009
12:32 am
Josh, my son attended the FFA convention and was quite impressed by you, which had me looking you up. Anyways… I totally see your point on the happiness scale. I have always hated rating stuff like that, and think of the pain scale in the ER the same way. I never give pain more than a 7 because I can always IMAGINE something hurting worse. It’s the same way with happiness. Even when you are VERY happy, you can always get just a little more so. Keep up the good work.
Bobbie
October 25, 2009
12:09 pm
Anna,
Thanks for your comments…what do you mean when you say “you should try that on some other attractive girls?”
October 25, 2009
12:11 pm
Bobbie,
The pain scale comparison is very insightful. You’re right.
And Janice,
Thanks for getting your parents to watch!!
October 25, 2009
12:44 pm
Josh! I can’t believe you just said that! I would laugh so hard. Pleease don’t try that again, you should listen to your mom! Church girls are way cool!
October 26, 2009
5:09 am
Well to be honest I am about a 7 before I read your story, but now I am a 4. I was looking around the enternet and found your YouTube videos. Josh Sundquist you are hilarious and very inspiring. Back to the 4. I have been a T7 complete paraplegic for about a year and a half. I have met several paraplegics mostly older gentlemen. I had a great time meeting them, but they all have recieved some sort of shoulder reconstruction. So reading that you have already had knee surgeries scared me to a 4, but it’s life.
October 27, 2009
9:53 am
hey josh….i watched your video from this years ffa meeting….ur soooo funny and u seem like a really nice guy…..and i loved the story about the happiness scale!
btw u have really pretty eyes…..
October 27, 2009
10:19 am
In view of all the recent comments, Josh, I have just reread this and still find it fascinatingly humourous.
You are a TRUE talent, but what is all this about recent surgery?
As for NO girl friend, I reckon you attract them in droves
October 28, 2009
4:40 pm
Wow. I don’t want to say I’m shocked you don’t have a gf…but yes, yes I am. Now I understand.
Sorry didn’t work out! 
Life Rating: 8
Only to get worse, right?
-Hailey
October 28, 2009
6:12 pm
Wow josh… I can’t believe you said that. After seeing you speak live, you boosted my happiness scale from like zero to three lol now I’m at like seven
but that has to be the stupidest thing you’ve said. Way to make her feel good about herself lol
October 28, 2009
8:54 pm
hey josh (:
if you had presented this argument to me, i would have laughed.. and probably agreed with you.
i dont think you are crazy..
but think about this:
if its a 10, it can never get better.. but if its a 1, it can never get worse (:
October 31, 2009
11:26 am
Josh,
I liked how you got the conversation going with not “what’s up”. I meanguys say that all the time and it personally annoys me! Haha anyways what ever did happen? If u wouldve told that all to me I wouldve realized “it’s so true and never really thought about that” because really it is. Of course it’s a little saddening but it’s life you know? Lol and I think that a girl would be lucky to get a guy like you! You are awesome!
November 2, 2009
10:25 pm
Thanks Brooke! It turned out fine, actually. We had a great time.
November 9, 2009
10:36 pm
so i totally have the same first name as the girl that wrote earlier but, its a different anna now. . i havent ever thought about life only being able to get worse when youre a “10″. cool story
November 10, 2009
6:18 pm
Anna! thanks….glad it made you think!
November 30, 2009
10:07 pm
[...] then I remember, Oh yeah, I tried writing about my relationships before. And it caused problems, problems, [...]
December 22, 2009
3:41 pm
Josh,
i love that you didnt start the date with the normal “how are you” but you chose something that would provoke conversation, not to many people are blod enough to do that, kudos.
January 6, 2010
9:59 pm
All I can say is… Dude. MAJOR fail. lol. I love your opener, though. One of my older guy friends uses it on me all the time and he smiles at how long I actually take to come up with an answer. It’s a nice opener and it shows how much you care. You don’t wanna rush through how they are and talk about you, you let them talk more about themselves. Girls kinda like that. lol. Most of them anyways. Oh, here’s a little tip you may or may not already know… If a girl is telling a cute story, not one that would be necessarily funny, but one about something she enjoys, and she’s going on and on and on and on and she’s in a good mood, just start to smile really big and stare into her eyes. Like, not all creepo stalker-like, but in a… charming… way. lol. It’s sweet. If it works like it should, she’ll stop talking and ask what, leaving you room to tell her how beautiful she is. lol. Play it up! And don’t say negative stuff like you did. lol. =]
January 6, 2010
10:51 pm
Kristen –
Ha! I love that staring into eyes idea. But now that you’ve written it here on my blog, I can only use it on girls who don’t ever visit my website, huh?
js
January 7, 2010
6:48 pm
True. But I think it would work even if they did read that. They’d know what you were trying to do and laugh. lol. I think you think too much about who reads your blog and who doesn’t. I’m sure you’ll find a girl that DOESN’T read your blog to work your wonders on.
kt
February 13, 2010
1:41 am
lol, I IM’d my gf of 6 months, while reading this, figured i’d ask her to see, yeah, you’re right. I guess no matter what point in your relationship, this is just some sorta minefield. lol. ackward, but still cool between us. which is strange because, i don’t think guys would take it so, or would we? idk.